Once More Unto The Breach
Tales of my second go-round with breast cancer before the age of 40, and everything since.

Periscope Up

I’ve been both under water and underground for the past few weeks.

(And I just spent five minutes thinking about why it’s “under water”—two words—and “underground”—one word, which is probably a metaphor for why I’ve been both.)

The obvious reasons: I’m still dealing with that WBT (just passed the 11-week mark). Zach and I have been traveling, although not together, for much of the past six weeks. And the combination of the two has put me behind at work, at home, and in life in general. Plus I came down with something other than the WBT the other day and have been home sick since mid-day on Thursday.

The less obvious ones: The WBT has messed up the rhythms of my life. It’s kept me from exercising. It’s kept me behind my desk at work. It’s kept me on the medical merry-go-round, going from doctor to doctor and test to test. It’s drained hours from my days—hours and energy and patience and focus. It’s made me cranky and frustrated and resentful.

And unwilling (or unable) to express all of that crankiness and frustration and resentment here.

Plus, you know, it’s October.

So I feel a special obligation to say stuff about that.

Even if it’s my usual cranky, frustrated, resentful stuff.

For example:

The building where I work features the Captivate “network”: an advertising-supported news feed on small screens in each elevator. Mostly the screens show headlines and the current weather and a stock ticker. But sometimes they have “You Tell Us” items that invite readers riders to submit their answers to various inane but generally innocuous questions.

But last week’s question—predictable though it probably should have been—pissed me off in the extreme:

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. What have you bought to support the cause?

What have you bought?? How about “What have you done to support the cause?”

I have been over this before.

But I am clearly not over it.

Just thinking about it makes steam shoot out of my ears.

I’m so angry I can’t even speak.

But maybe the steam will find its way into my lungs and make it easier for me to breathe.


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